Crazy Greg’s Going Out Of Business Sale

Hi! I’m Greg and I’m CRAAAAAAZY! I’m the Premier of Manitoba and I’m bonkers! Don’t believe me? Just look at my record!

Remember the 2011 election? The opposition claimed that I was planning on raising the PST. I told everyone who would listen that those claims were “total nonsense.” You can quote me on that, because I really said it! And you believed me and I won the election! Ah-hahahahaha!

Idiots!


So now it’s 2013 and guess what? I’m raising the PST! Why? Because I’m CRAAAAAAZY!

Now I know what you’re thinking. While the Conservatives were in power, they passed a law that made it illegal for the government to raise the PST without holding a province-wide referendum. The Conservatives put in all kinds of stupid regulations to make sure that the government had to be accountable to the people and couldn’t do things unilaterally (Conservatives don’t know anything about ruling a kingdom). I mean, come on….  Accountable?.... Us?..... Idiots!

So I’m raising the tax anyway. Why? Because I’m CRAAAAAAZY! We are the government. The laws don’t apply to us! We make the laws, we don’t obey them. That would be….. CRAAAAAAZY!

So we’re going to defy the law now and then later, when we get the time, we’re going to change the law and make it go away – retroactively (if my stupid Minister of Justice can figure out how to do that). That way, it will turn out that, when we did break the law, we really didn’t break the law because when we change the law it won’t be the law anymore and it also won’t have been the law all the way back to before the time we broke it so we couldn’t really have broken it because it wasn’t really the law. Get it? That’s the plan and I think you can plainly see….. that’s CRAAAAAAZY!

Remember when we said that we weren’t going to take any of the vote-tax dollars? WRONG! $272,000 of your hard-earned tax dollars and – here’s the best part – we don’t even have to spend it on you! We get to spend it on ourselves and our party! Can you say “paaaaaaah-taaaay”?

But wait! There’s more! That’s just the stuff we’re going to do. Look at what we’ve already accomplished.

Rainy day fund? What rainy day fund? Okay, I know, we haven’t completely eradicated the rainy-day fund… but we’re working on it! We’re working day and night figuring out new ways to squander it so that, by the time the next election comes, it’ll all be gone. Just give us time.

And where else in the world can you find an auto insurance company whose profits get skimmed right into government coffers for “road repairs” (nudge nudge, wink wink). You want innovative thinking? Now that’s thinking that’s so far out of the box it’s…… CRAAAAAAZY!

Still not convinced?

Did you know that our party has 192 “Communicators”? I bet you didn’t! The Conservatives have 2. Nobody knows how many the Liberals have. I mean, who cares about the Liberals, right? But we’ve got 192 because 192 is better than 2. I wanted to call them The Propaganda Ministry but my caucus wouldn’t let me.

The “Communicators” job is to fill your heads with whatever we want your heads filled with. Right now, it’s that we’re not wasting your money. We’re being fiscally responsible! Really! We’re spending your money on important things like…… 192 “Communicators” to tell you that we’re not wasting your money.

So now the minions are telling me that we’re probably going to be going out of business in the next couple of years. And to celebrate, we’re having a sale – NDP style. That’s right, NDP style! That means we’re not cutting prices, we’re RAISING them. We’re raising the price on everything! We’re slashing you to the bone! Fees, taxes, surcharges, taxes on fees, fees on taxes, surcharges on surcharges, you name it! If we control it, it’s going to cost more. If we don’t control it, we’ll figure out a way to make it cost more anyway. Because that's what we do... and we're darned good at it!

You’re welcome, Manitoba. And when it’s time for the next election, be sure to COME ON DOWN on voting day and we hope you remember us. I’m Greg and we’re the provincial NDP…..

…… and we’re CRAAAAAAZY!